“The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”
I have so many lofty goals as a person and as an artist, I like getting excited about my projects and plans, but so often life just gets in the way. Instead of giving a polished picture of a fake life, or creating and sharing something half-written, I think it is best to take a step back and deal with the ugly stuff in my personal life. God forbid I ever pretend like everything is great when it’s not.
So if I’m honest, that’s why I’ve written nothing, no music or articles, for the past few months or so. Life is messy y’all. I ain’t gonna lie.
It saddens me that that is the case. It’s not at all that I have writer’s block. I really don’t. I have so many great ideas in the pipework that I’m eager to get to work on. I am inspired. It’s just that I have priorities. I have a faith that is always riding an emotional rollercoaster. I have constantly fluctuating physical and mental health. I have a job and a budget. And right now, I have drama, drama, drama in my life y’all. I can’t really go into detail there.
I know that there is no pressure from anyone except myself to pump out creative stuff at a certain frequency. So I’m just saying this mainly for my own benefit. I’m trying, but it’s really hard sometimes. I pressure myself to create great stuff, then life interferes, and I get discouraged.
But I’ll resist the discouragement, and the pressure.
Let me look at it from a more positive angle. My main goal this year was to move out from my family’s home, find my own place, and survive financially on my own two feet. Due to chronic fatigue and having only a part-time income, this took months of planning and preparation. But I’ve done it! I’ve achieved a personal goal that I’ve been aiming at for years.
So, that would be a kind of “non-scale” or non-creative victory. Praise the Lord.
However long it takes me to get back to work creating stuff, I won’t allow my self-worth to be tied up with my creative output. Life is bigger than art and it is happening behind the scenes.
Grace for Failures is the blog of Carlin Doyle, to encourage and inspire those who have gotten life wrong for a long time, and want to try and do things a little differently. Click here for more info, and here for more posts.